Breaking Dawn Sing Along!
by LindaRoo
Summary: American Pie" by Don McLean set to the plot of Breaking Dawn. You'll laugh.


**Ages ago, I did this for New Moon, and Marcy loved it. She challenged me to redo it for Breaking Dawn. I couldn't resist a Marcy challenge. :D**

**JUST FOR FUN**

**1. Go to youtube dot com in another tab or window**

**2. Type in "American Pie Don McLean"**

**3. Sing THESE lyrics instead of the real ones**

**4. Smile**

Not so long ago…

I can still remember

When Bella drove a big red truck

If the floor were wet she'd slip

I could always count on that girl to trip

Since she was always plagued with rotten luck

But with Breaking Dawn that all changed

Because in that book the plot got strange

All our jaws were dropping

When Bella's heart was stopping

I guess that Stephenie never said

That "vamps can't have kids because they're dead"

Who knows how we got misled

The day Renesmee arrived

My, my Mr. Vampire guy

You knocked up your wife

Conceived a life

Your very first try

And your human girl looked you right in the eye

And said "She's living…I don't care if I die"

"She's living…I don't care if I die"

The wedding was great of course

With Alice as the vital source

The kids at last said "I do."

But Jacob came and threatened the groom

After he mistakenly assumed

That they'd play checkers on their honeymoon

Well they took a boat to Isle Esme

Bella got bruised to Ed's dismay

He told her "no more sex"

Which made her very vexed

Snorkeling and hiking got old fast

With black lace things how could he last?

Finally Ed's resistance was surpassed

That's when Renesmee arrived

My, my Mr. Vampire guy

You knocked up your wife

Conceived a life

Your very first try

And your human girl looked you right in the eye

And said "She's living…I don't care if I die"

"She's living…I don't care if I die"

Meanwhile Jake formed his own pack

Since he was the heir of Ephraim Black

And he didn't want the baby killed

He described Edward as "the burning man"

And agreed to go along with his stupid plan

Of puppies…but Bella, of course, wasn't thrilled

Rosalie's wrath no one dared provoke

Bella's voice rasped bad whenever she spoke

Edward knew she was dying

Because he agreed to "trying"

From within the baby tried to sprout

Jake did CPR with a shout

Edward bit her uterus to get her out

The day Renesmee arrived

We were singing

My, my Mr. Vampire guy

You knocked up your wife

Conceived a life

Your very first try

And your human girl looked you right in the eye

And said "She's living…I don't care if I die"

"She's living…I don't care if I die"

Burning, yearning, Bella was turning

Our grossed-out stomachs were all churning

From watching our heroine vomit blood

Edward injected venom in her heart

She suffered silently and then woke with a start

Then sensations bombarded her like a flood

She kissed her man and then said "oops"

Killed a mountain lion in one fell swoop

So self-controlled for someone new

Edward said "honey, let's screw!"

They never really made it to the bed

They did it on the floor instead

Only their fourth time since they were wed

Two days after Renesmee arrived

We were singing

My, my Mr. Vampire guy

You knocked up your wife

Conceived a life

Your very first try

And your human girl looked you right in the eye

And said "She's living…I don't care if I die"

"She's living…I don't care if I die"

Jake imprinted on the half vamp kid

Of the tragic triangle the plot was rid

Causing our jaws to drop again

Sea monster and puppy fall in love

A blessing seemingly from above

Because now he can just be Bella's friend

The kid was as charming as her dad

And could share her thoughts, I might add

They were having such a blast

That of course it couldn't last

Irina saw in Renesmee an immortal child

And got the Volturi all riled

An army of witnesses Carlisle compiled

The day Renesmee cried

We were singing

My, my Mr. Vampire guy

You knocked up your wife

Conceived a life

Your very first try

And your human girl looked you right in the eye

And said "She's living…I don't care if I die"

"She's living…I don't care if I die"

We meet Vlad, Siobhan, and Kate

And a million vamps we can't keep straight

And learn that Bella is a shield

She frustruated little Jane

When she desperately tried to inflict pain

Defeated the Volturi had to yield

With Bella's powers Edward was ecstatic

Even though the battle was anticlimactic

Nahuel arrived from Brazil

And no one ended up killed

At home as she tried to unwind

She at last let Edward read her mind

The one thing he'd always been denied

From his new red-eyed bride.

We were singing

My, my Mr. Vampire guy

You knocked up your wife

Conceived a life

Your very first

And your human girl looked you right in the eye

And said "She's living…I don't care if I die"

"She's living…I don't care if I die"

We were singing

My, my Mr. Vampire guy

You knocked up your wife

Conceived a life

Your very first

And your human girl looked you right in the eye

And said "She's living…I don't care if I die"

"She's living…I don't care if I die"


End file.
